covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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