It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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