I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize