my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
