like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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