i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
