I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize