So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
