He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
