Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
