I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
