No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
