I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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