I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
