I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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