hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
