If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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