I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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