Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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