Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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