I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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