oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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