Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
