How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
