This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
where are my eyebrows?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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