Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
