Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
