anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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