I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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