I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
