I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
