Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
