Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
