38 yer olds are good kisserssss
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
