i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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