Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
