were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize