drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize