He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
