Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
