You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
