God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize