the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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