so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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