since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
