I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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