I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
