i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
