Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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