i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
