What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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