Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
