i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
