I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
nutella sex= disaster
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
