Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize