I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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