i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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