Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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