Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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