Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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