How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
