I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
