This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We need to get me chipped asap
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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