My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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