I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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