Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
