he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
