Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
