How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
