What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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