I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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