i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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