dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
