Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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